Buttermilk Coffee Cake

June 21, 2012 § 6 Comments

I’ve recently made a pact with myself to only eat 2 heavy desserts a week. Heavy desserts qualifies as ice cream, cake, brownies, etc. You know. Stuff that’ll stretch your belt buckle. Fruit and granola and stuff like that is fair game.

This coffee cake.

This coffee cake is not fair game. I’m warning you. But, I’ll follow that disclaimer with, “But it’s fucking delicious.”

I mean. How could it not be? It’s sugar and butter and cinnamon and flour. You could take a shit on this coffee cake, and it’d only serve as a topping. It’s that good. And moist. Not like other coffee/crumb cakes that kind of crumble into a dry mess of powder. This is not that kind of cake. This has 2 sticks of butter in it. I mean. Come on.

What You’ll Need How Much
all-purpose flour 3 c
brown sugar (make your own!) 2 c
butter 2 c
baking powder 2 t
baking soda 1/2 t
ground cinnamon 1 1/2 t
ground nutmeg 1/2 t
eggs, beaten 2
buttermilk 1 1/2 c

What You’ll Do

1) Preheat the oven to 350 F. Grease the bottom and sides of a 13″ x 9″ aluminum baking pan.

2) In a large bowl, use a fork to mix the flour, brown sugar, and salt.

3) Use a pastry cutter to cut in the butter (You let it come to room temperature, right? No? Well, go here for a protip on how to soften the butter without microwaving it.) until it resembles coarse crumbs. Set aside 1 cup of the crumb mixture.

4) Stir the baking powder, baking soda, cinnamon, and nutmeg into the remaining crumb mixture.

5) In another bowl, combine the beaten eggs and buttermilk.

6) Add the egg mixture to the crumb mixture all at one time until just incorporated. Don’t overwork that shit. You’ll stiffen the glutens, and no one wants stiff glutens in their cake. No one.

7) Spoon the batter into the greased pan. Remember that cup of crumb mixture we set aside? Grab that and give the batter a good, even dusting with that goodness.

8) Toss that in the oven and let it go for 35-40 minutes, or until a toothpick comes out clean from the middle.

9) Serve that shit warm out of the oven. Serve it with coffee.

10) You heard me. Put it in your face!

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Chow Down Midtown

June 19, 2012 § Leave a comment

This is the last week for Chow Down Midtown, and I’d be an ass not to let everyone know about it, given that I’m a food blogger who lives in Midtown Indianapolis. Basically, it’s all the best restaurants within a 3 mile radius of my house serving up 3 course meals for $30–either per plate, dinner for two, or some of the normally cheaper restaurants like Bebop’s Pizza and Brics are offering family deals. Parcha Sweets is offering their 9″ Black & White Mousse Cake with New Belgium Fat Tire Beer Sauce (serves 16-20, or you know, 4 fat people), which is normally $42 or something.

Last day of this goodness is this Saturday, so check out the menu offerings on the Chow Down Midtown site, and make plans with your honey or your friends if you’re lonely. Some of the best food in Indy lives here in Midtown.

Happy Bourbon Day!

June 14, 2012 § 1 Comment

As though I need an excuse to drink bourbon, today is National Bourbon Day, a day to commemorate the birth of that sweet, sweet nectar of the gods. Evidently that happened today way back in 1789 (or so The Awl says). I’m not quite sure how accurate that is. This overly official and touristy looking site says they’ve been making it since 1776.

I’m sure there’re plenty of urban legends about when the bung was popped (LOL) from that first glorious barrel in Uncle Eli’s hay barn, but you know what? After a few shots of the goodness, I’m going to have no fucks to give. What matters is that it exists.

And, as my Internet buddy Daniel McCord says, “It’s a fucking bourbon. Drink it!”

Eat food. Not too much. Mostly plants.

June 13, 2012 § 2 Comments

You should read this. Mainly, I love how she settles on this:

As Michael Pollen says (everywhere, but first in In Defense of Food), “Eat food. Not too much. Mostly plants.” Keep it simple, stupid. The more rules & restrictions, the more you stress, the more you crave foods you “can’t have” & the more you dislike eating–which should be a total joy!

Week In Food: 6/11 – 6/18

June 11, 2012 § Leave a comment

Last week’s meat-light week went pretty okay. Of course, then I celebrated yesterday by eating a big ass sausage at a birthday party BBQ.

Not much to report this week, actually. We actually haven’t gotten around to planning our meals this week, but given that we’ve gotten 4 zucchini, a yellow squash, a few heads of Romaine lettuce about to bolt (thus ready to harvest), and about 4 cups of green beans from our garden this week, I’m assuming it’s going to involve those ingredients.

Also, I’m challenging myself (and Britt is, too) to eat no desserts or sugary drinks this week, except for berries and fresh fruit. I’m allowing myself honey in my Greek yogurt. Other than that, nothing.

Quick rumination: why do so many of our foods look phallic in nature? Sausage, squashes, Romaine hearts, even green beans in a sad way. Even nature is a misogynist ass.

How You Found Me

June 5, 2012 § 4 Comments

A treasure map. Do you see what I did there?

One of my favorite things to do as a blogger is to pay attention to the search terms people have used to lead them here to Put It In Your Face. For lack of anything better to post today, here are some of my favorites for the ol’ shits and giggs:

  • arctic bears indianapolis
  • exploding dog memories (This is hilarious out of context; exploding dog is actually one of my favorite web comics, which I’ve featured here as an image for the “beer before wine” post.)
  • “don’t give a shit about the super bowl”
  • cunt ad typography (Um. What?)
  • cookies with your face on them (I actually imagine someone searching for images of people putting their face physically on cookies, and that’s it. Like planking, but funnier.)
  • saggy bum skin man (Dad?)
  • food you can put on your face
  • foods to put on face
  • is sweet potato good to put on your face
  • heal face burn with olive oil and oregano
  • roastet ass
  • comic sans cheese
  • how to use the knife to cut the food
  • greedy fat bastard
  • fuck i’m lactose intolerent and no food
  • i’m googling christopher newgent’s food blog so he will post this on fb
  • why is “christopher newgent” such a dick about internet searches?
  • things you can put in your face that you can eat (As opposed to…?)
  • what type of foods go into your cheeks?
  • how we can grow our face ,,, my face is too thin
  • the best cream to flatten the face and under the eyes
  • leftover rice facial (Better than some other kinds of facials, I guess.)
  • put your face in a stuff (In a…stuff?)
  • And finally: is it good to put your face in mayo (The answer is always No.)

Week In Food: June 4 (Meat Light Week)

June 4, 2012 § 2 Comments

I’m not sure that I’m going to post these WIF’severy week from here on out. Probably every 2-3 weeks, or more if there’s a week that’s especially different or interesting. Basically, I don’t want every other post or so being my weekly food planning posts. That’ll get old kind of quick like.

But, I definitely wanted to post this week’s dinner plans because we decided to do a “meat light” week this week, which if anyone knows me, is kinda whack. I love me some muscle fibers. But, we’re already starting to get a lot of awesome vegetables from our garden, so we want to gnosh on that goodness as much as possible.

Plus, there is all that talk about eating less meat is really good for you and all that, and not only good for people, but for the environment and etc. etc. Which is cool and all, too. I saw this video on “weekday vegetarianism” on TED recently while Netflixing my life away, and thought it pretty interesting and actually level-headed reasoning behind this growing movement.

I could never fully give up meat (for one, I can’t eat beans, so protein would be rather difficult for me to get unless I’m constantly eating eggs and quinoa), but it’s definitely true that we as a society eat way too damn much of it, and that the way it is produced to keep up with the high-demand from our society is both inhumane and environmentally destructive. I’m no PETA supporter, but ol’ Kurt Vonnegut once said, “There’s only one rule that I know of, babies — God damn it, you’ve got to be kind.” And I don’t see any reason that advice can’t or shouldn’t be extended to our livestock.

So this week, we’re only eating meat one night, and I’m going to try to eat only nominal* amounts of it for my other meals throughout the week.

Here’s the menu:

  • Monday: On Our Own (I have a Vouched/WordLab event tonight at Earth House, which means I get to eat the best damn PB&J known to man.)
  • Tuesday: A Delicious Salad (Romaine and greens from our garden)
  • Wednesday: Veggie Pasta Toss
  • Thursday: Turkey Burgers, Roasted New Potatoes, and Fresh Garden Green Beans
  • Friday: Homemade Basil-Tomato Pizza

*Ha. “Nom”inal.

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